


Unrequited

by AvengersCompound (emilyevanston), fanficwriter013



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: ALLCAPS, Anal Sex, Angst, Dumb boys being dumb, Frottage, M/M, Multi, Natasha and Sharon are good at clunking peoples heads together, Oral Sex, Pining, Smut, non aou compliant, non cw complaint, non iw compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-01
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-05-16 19:39:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14817639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilyevanston/pseuds/AvengersCompound, https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanficwriter013/pseuds/fanficwriter013
Summary: A tale of three men who all love differently but deeply, and cannot see what is the obvious answer.





	1. Chapter 1

If there was anything that Steve Rogers was sure of, it was that these feelings would kill him. It would not be his frail body failing him, but the unrequited love he harbored. For, not only was it unrequited, but it was also a mortal sin in the eyes of his religion. For Steven Grant Rogers was deeply and irrevocably in love with one James Buchanan Barnes.

_It all started on one of those cold and gray days. The ones where it wasn’t fun to be outside, but the school still required outdoor exercise._

_It was the very kind of weather that was cold enough to give Steve an asthma attack if he so much as breathed wrong. Which was why Steve was sitting on one of the far off benches. Trying to count the seconds down until they would be allowed to go back inside. Because of where he was sitting there was no one around to bother him. It also made it the place for bullies to take their prey. It was how Steve heard the small yelps before he saw them. There were four older kids pushing around a smaller brunet boy that Steve thought might be from his class. The boy was bigger than Steve but compared to the other two, he looked as fragile as Steve. Steve didn’t even have to think about it, he was already on his feet._

_“Hey.” He wheezed, limping closer to the pack of boys. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” It did give the little boy in the center enough of a distraction that he was able to kick one of the boys in the knee. It wasn’t much, but it was at least a start._

_As it turned out, it still wasn’t enough. Steve and the boy he attempted to save both wound up in the nurse’s office. Steve having had an asthma attack, along with various bruises, and the other boy had a broken nose. He’d learned that that little boy was Bucky, and Steve knew he was in trouble the second their hands touched._

He was in love.  It was the kind of love that made him do incredibly stupid reckless things, like signing up to join the army a grand total of six times, before finally getting a glimmer of hope handing to him by Doctor Erskine. **  
**

Then something impossible seemed to happen. His heart, which he thought had been claimed, was stolen by one Margaret Carter. From the very first moment, when she knocked out the condescending jackass from Steve’s recruit class. His heart would just flutter, threatening to beat its way out of his tiny chest.

Steve thought it was a good sign, that maybe he could be normal. That maybe once the war was over if Peggy were to return his feelings that they could settle down together. And maybe Steve would be happy.

But then, tiny Steve became a miracle of modern medicine. The subject of an experiment that changed him into Captain America, the performing monkey. Even though all Steve wanted to do was use this new big, powerful body to fight alongside his fellow Americans.

Steve felt just as trapped and feeble in the Captain America body as he did when he was still tiny. All the government would let him do was drum up bond sales, and then they decided that he could take the show to the front lines. Maybe help out with morale.

It only made Steve feel worse and guilty. Especially since his first thought had been about the possibility of seeing Bucky again. He needed to squash those thoughts if he was going to make this thing with Peggy work. And that was what he needed.

Steve couldn’t shake the idea that something was wrong. Sure the guys weren’t exactly thrilled with the Captain, and to be quite honest neither was Steve. But he had this unsettling pit in his stomach, screaming at him that something was wrong. And then he found out that this was the 107th. Worse even, was that Bucky hadn’t made it back from a mission and these people had no intentions of saving him.

So, Steve did the only thing he could think of. He went to Peggy for help. If she hadn’t been so supportive, they wouldn’t have found themselves a day later sharing drinks and awkward glances.

Steve wasn’t sure what was worse. Having them both in front of him, and his stomach trying to fold itself into a crane. Or the fact that they couldn’t seem to get along.

Steve had this hairbrained idea that once this was all over. He and Peggy would settle down, have the perfect nuclear family, and Bucky would live next door. Steve may not be able to have Bucky the way he wanted, but he’d be damned if he lived a life without him.

Then, everything seemed to fall into place. Steve had the Howling Commandos, and he had Bucky. Together, they were able to run a series of missions that were shutting down HYDRA bases. Steve felt both useful and happy, for once in his life.

Of course, happiness could only last for so long. And Steve was staring down the end of the barrel being Margaret Carter stalking towards like Captain America on a mission.

“Steven Grant Rogers.” She snapped at him, there was no doubt in Steve’s mind that this was about her catching his sideways glances at Bucky. “Come with me.” She hissed at him, in her ever-elegant accent as she gripped his elbow hard enough that in his tiny body something would have broken.

She’d marched them off to a far tent, and Steve avoided her piercing gaze. Knowing what was coming next.

“I know you love him, Steve.” She said and Steve had the sudden urge to flee. Or explain it away.

“Well, yeah. He’s my best friend.” Steve says, dumbly. Peggy put one of her hands on her hip, tilting her head at him.

“I know you love him, Steven.” She said, and the way she said it. Steve knew, there was no arguing his way out of this one.

“Peg, I-” Steve started, but Peggy waved her hand cutting him off.

“I know, Steve. You don’t have to explain. There’s nothing wrong with it, with your feelings for him. But we both know that you can’t have us both. As much as I wouldn’t be opposed to it. I just want you to be happy, Steve.” Peggy said, taking one of Steve’s hand in her own.

“I do care about you, Peg. I’ll curb my pining after Bucky.” Steve said, rubbing his thumb against the back of Peggy’s hand. She gave him a soft smile, and some of his tension diminished.

They fell into a sort of uneasy routine, where Steve became uncomfortably aware of just how many times a day he tried to steal glances at Bucky. He needed to put on a good front, regardless of the fact that his feelings were, indeed, valid and not part of a mental illness.

Between the missions, trying to be just friends with Bucky, and wrestling his feelings for both Bucky and Peggy. Steve was busy and stressed beyond his wildest dreams. But he was able to help the bigger picture, and that was all Steve could ever ask for.

That was until they crashed into the end of the line. Steve had been so close, but all he could do was watch as Bucky slipped through his fingertips.  In that moment, Steve decided that he would end this thing with the Red Skull no matter the costs.

Steve became cold, sullen, and downright angry. The Commandos wouldn’t even try to approach him for fear that he would strike like an angered snake. Peggy was another story. She was always there trying to talk to him, and for the most part. Steve didn’t want anything to do with it. But that wasn’t Peggy’s style.

“Steve, we need to talk,” Peggy said, and all Steve could do was nod. There was no telling Margaret Carter no. She led him to a far-off spot, where no one would be able to overhear them.

“Honey, I know it’s hard. But you have to let me help you. You can’t push me away.” She said softly, and Steve almost couldn’t breathe. But he shouldn’t be having an asthma attack now, his lungs were perfectly healthy. It wasn’t until Peggy wiped her thumb across his cheek that he realized. He was crying.

Peggy pulled him into her arms, and Steve was too stunned to do anything but melt into her. The deep rattling sobs shaking his figure as she held him, whispering promises into his hair and letting him just be weak again. Which was a feeling he hated, but with Peggy, he didn’t feel like she would think any less of him.

“Steve, we can get you through this. But you have to let me in. Let me help you with this incredibly profound sense of loss that you’re feeling.” Peggy said as Steve started to calm down. He pulled back, studying her face for a moment.

“I know, Peg. But I’m so tired.” Steve said.  This was a deeper feeling of exhaustion. The kind where his body was perfectly fine, for once, but the rest of him wasn’t.

“It’s okay, Steve. I’ve got you.” Peggy said, and Steve almost believed her.

She had tried. She really did. But the thing about Steve Grant Rogers is that, even though he was sure his heart was spoken for. There was a part of it that had been stolen by one Margaret Carter. However, that part wasn’t big enough to keep him from his plan. The stubbornness that made him believe there was only one option.

“I’ve got to put her in the water.” He said the Red Skull had been dealt with. Now it was just a matter of making sure the cube could never be used again. Peggy pleaded with him, that they could make this work. That she would find a way. Which Steve knew she could, but he was finished. He’d completed his mission, that was enough. He could put this bird in the water and get to see his Bucky again.

Steve was aware of a bright, almost blinding light. Then he heard it. The game, this was all wrong. There was a woman, wearing a man’s tie. Steve had to get out of there. So he fled, into a city that looked familiar but nothing like what he was used to. Then someone was barking at him, that was at least something he was used to.

“Captain Rogers, I’m sorry to have to break this to you.” This man, a Director Fury, said. He had been frozen for seventy years, and now they needed Captain America again.


	2. Chapter 2

If Sam hadn’t already known he was attracted to men, he would have found out the morning that Steve Rogers was running the same circuit as him.  It was something he’d struggled with his whole life really.  Being a minister’s son, that was just not an acceptable outcome.  Not that his parents ever made him explicitly feel that way.  They were pretty open-minded really.  But he heard the congregation.  The things people said at school.  What they said on the street.  Being gay was a sin.  It was disgusting.  It was against God.

It wasn’t like he wasn’t attracted to women anyway.  He was.  So he buried the part of him down that said he was attracted to men and became what was right.  What was expected.  What wouldn’t bring his family shame.  For a time it was almost like he forgot.  Not really, but he was somehow able to convince himself that you were gay or you were straight and straight was the default.

That was until he met Riley.  Riley changed everything.  By then his parents were both dead.  Good people that were murdered by the very people that denounce homosexuality as a sin.  After that all he could see was the downward spiral his life was most likely about to take so he joined the airforce.  The air force gave him direction.  It also gave him Riley.

With all the things that would make the relationship with him a huge painted target for hate.  Two men.  In the military.  Of different races.  One a minister’s son.  Not one of them was strong enough to keep them apart.  Sam had loved Riley more than he has loved another person in his life.  They had made huge promises about marriage and retirement and kids.  Instead, all he got was heartbreak.

Moving on from the death of the love of your life is hard.  In a lot of ways, Sam didn’t want to.  He didn’t want anything after that.   He retired from the force not long after and for a while, he just grieved.  Someone from the VA would come to see him from time to time, and gradually he realized where his new place might be.  He wasn’t the straight guy repressing his sexuality for the sake of how he would look to others.  He wasn’t the soldier.  Or the hero.  He wasn’t the lover.  Or the husband or the father.  He was a new thing.  He went on a course and joined in at group.  And when he graduated he became a full counselor.  He helped people who were struggling to know who they were anymore, and doing that helped him know who he was.

He never really expected to move on from Riley.  Though he did try a few things.  He went on a few blind dates.  He had a few one-night stands.

And then Steve Rogers happened.  Sam knew he was done as soon as that smart ass came tearing past him with is ‘on the left’.

It wasn’t just that he was gorgeous.  Everyone with eyes could tell that.  He recognized him immediately with his blond hair and shoulder to waist ratio that so closely mimicked a Dorito. The fact he was running at what must have been a million miles an hour helped too.  He’d have to have been living in a cave to not have realized who it was.

All that was great.  It was the sass that got him.  Each and every ‘On your left’.  The way he teased him for being slow, when no one, not a single person on the planet could possibly keep up with Captain America on foot.   So Sam flirted.  He hadn’t really done it for a while, at least not in any serious way.  He teased him back.  He mentioned beds for some reason.  Cap was leaving and the only thing he could think about was beds.  It worked, which was promising.  He talked about the music he liked and the things they had in common.  Invited him to visit the VA.  Threw the thing in about the girl at the front desk, just in case.  But it was going well.

Then that black corvette stingray pulled up and he felt all that bubbling hope of the potential for something new get smothered back down.  Natasha Romanoff was just as beautiful and sassy as Steve was.  Of course, they would be together.  Of course the first person Sam was interested in since Riley was already in a relationship.  Sam smiled at Natasha and played it cool.  Friends would be fine, he told himself.

It was less than a week later that he was dragged into a whole new world.  A world where his wings had been returned.  Where he was drop-kicking helicopters out of the sky and soviet supersoldiers jumped onto the roof of your car and ripped the steering wheel out of your hand and through the windshield.  A world where he wasn’t any of the things that had come before.  He was The Falcon.

When all the dust had settled, and SHIELD had fallen, the rats inside scurrying off who knows where Sam knew this was it.  He was following Steve Rogers anywhere.  He was smart and sassy and his moral compass was set as true as anyone he’d ever met.  Sam Wilson was done for and if Steve Rogers was just his friend that would be enough, because being near him was enough.  Getting to talk to him.  To help him find his friend.  To save the world at his side.  Those things would keep him going.  His love could stay unrequited.  It didn’t matter to Sam.  As long as he could have it.

The day he and Steve were leaving DC he came to meet him at his old apartment.  He parked out the front and went upstairs.  They were going to meet Natasha and Nick at Nick’s grave before heading to New York to start the hunt for the Winter Soldier.   Or Bucky Barnes, depending on who the guy was now.

As he walked down the hall he heard his name and turned to see the blonde woman approach him.  She offered him her hand and he took it.

“Agent 13.  I just wanted to thank you for the help.”   She said.

Sam smiled.  “Oh right?  You were the one watching him.  Kate?  Nat was trying to set the two of you up.”

“It’s Sharon.”  She said.  “Nat means well, and don’t get me wrong, he’s cute.  I wouldn’t turn him down if he asked.  But, she doesn’t always see things that are right in front of her face.”

Sam looked her up and down before breaking out into a huge grin.  “You and Nat?”

Sharon shrugged.  “Little tough now, but who knows.  Maybe one day.”  She said.  “You’ve got a thing for Steve don’t you?”

Sam looked back over his shoulder in the direction of Steve’s apartment.  “Is it that obvious?”

Sharon gave a sly half smile.  “No.  You’re fine.  He has no idea.  You should tell him though.  You might be surprised.”

Sam shook his head.  “I’m not sure that he’s meant for me.  In any case, right now, he needs a friend.  So that’s what I’m gonna be.”

Sharon nodded and gave his shoulder a squeeze.  “Take care of him for me.”

Sam nodded and watched as Sharon left, heading down the stairs before turning back to Steve’s apartment.  He let himself into Steve’s apartment without knocking and looked around.  Steve was by his bed shoving the last of his clothes into a duffle bag.

Sam approached him and clapped him on the shoulder.  “Let’s go find that friend of yours.”

* * *

For the next two years, that’s exactly what Sam did.  He put his life on hold, moving to New York and helping the man he wanted but ultimately couldn’t have, find his brainwashed assassin best friend.   He had thought it would be hard spending so much time with someone when you were trying to hide your feelings.  It wasn’t hard at all.  He could do unrequited.  Being around Steve was like a drug.  He had this way of building him up that made him feel like he could do anything.  The amount of trust this man who had been let down by so many had in him, felt like a precious gift.

He had once said ‘I do what he does, just slower’.  He meant it more every day they spent together looking for James Barnes.  He would follow Steve wherever he wanted him to go because he knew Steve would never ask him to do something that Sam didn’t also believe in.

No one could quite understand how that translated to helping him find a guy who had torn off one of his wings and kicked him off a helicarrier. The truth was maybe if Steve hadn’t asked he wouldn’t have done it, but he was Steve’s friend was just as much a victim in this as anyone else.  He’d saved Steve’s life.  Maybe he couldn’t be gotten through to, but if he could, Sam was one of the best people for the job.

Two years later and he was standing on a roof listening to Steve talk his friend down from doing something stupid.

Watching Bucky Barnes trying to settle into the compound when he had people there who seemed to hate him almost as much as he hated himself was heartbreaking.  He could see the way Bucky looked at Steve too.  The look of quiet adoration mixed with slight desperation was one that mirrored the feelings he had too.

The way Steve was walking on eggshells around Bucky wasn’t helping with his healing and Sam started to see him pull away.  The fact that Sharon came to the compound to help out and started something up with Steve didn’t help either.

So Sam stepped up.  Every time Bucky said something Sam sassed him.  A ‘can you pass me the milk?’ from Bucky would be met with an ‘I don’t know.  Can I?’

He wanted Bucky to feel normal.  For Bucky to know he wasn’t scared of him.  From the first snarky comment, their relationship was set.  Bucky took to it immediately.  He was quiet.  He didn’t say much but when he spoke to Sam it was always with a quick comeback.  Slowly he started to smile more.  He’d tug his hair down over his eyes when Sam was around.  Sam began to realize that those feelings Bucky was carrying around him for Steve might be becoming mirrored towards him.

The worst part.  The absolute worst and most unforgivable part was, he felt it too.

He hated himself.  Bucky Barnes was not ready for that.  He knew that. He was trained to know things like that.  Even still, he was getting those little butterflies every time Bucky laughed softly at some pun Clint made.  Or when he caught him looking over at him a small smile on his face.

Sharon caught him watching Bucky outside planting things in a garden they’d set up for him.  “You not gonna tell him either?”

Sam shook his head.  “Can’t.  He’s still healing.”

Sharon sighed and patted his shoulder.  “So you just gonna not ever chase after happiness.”

Sam scoffed.  “You can talk.   Who are you dating again?  Wasn’t he the backup plan?”

“Alright.  I deserved that.  But you deserve better.  Telling him you feel the same way doesn’t mean you have to jump right into something.  You can go slow you know?”  She said.

Sam sighed.  “I can’t.  I need to…”  He trailed off, not even sure where he was going.  He needed to a lot of things.  Figure out what he wanted.  Help Bucky get better.  Join in more.  Have him stop hiding in his room all the time.  Kiss him.  Stop pining over Steve when he was now taken.  The list was endless.

Sharon patted him on the shoulder.  “Well, no one can say I didn’t try.”

Sam put his hand over Sharon’s and squeezed it.  “I appreciate that you have.”

She smiled at him before pulling her hand away.  “I’ll get through to you one day, Wilson.”  She called back to him.


	3. Chapter 3

All Bucky could remember as he fell was that haunted look in Steve’s eyes as he no doubt blamed himself for not being able to catch Bucky. He just wanted Steve to be happy, and he hoped that Peggy would be able to take care of his little punk. Give him the happy little family that he had always wanted. Then there was darkness. **  
**

After that, he was aware that he was not dead.   He was aware of the pain. And most importantly, he was aware of the slow passage of time. He didn’t exactly know how much time had passed, but he knew that it was still ticking.

The next thing he vividly remembered was the anger. He had his target, a Perfectly portional blond man wearing something vaguely resemblant of the American flag. There was a sudden weird inkling, almost like the programming that made him protect his handlers. But this didn’t feel the same. This was strong enough to bring back his ability to question.

He knew he shouldn’t but the words were out of his mouth before he could stop them.

“The man on the bridge. Who was he?”

The words had flown out of his mouth, and something inside him flinched, knowing that the only answer he was going to get was bullshit and violence. Which was exactly what happened. He was told a lie, and when he questioned it, the pain blossomed across his cheek and was gone in an instant. The last thing he saw before they wiped him are pale blue eyes that reminded him of the ghost of his past.

It became dark again, and the asset was given the target; Captain America. There was a dull ringing like a sensation of Deja Vu, but he couldn’t place it.  All he knew was the mission.  Memorize the file.  Don’t fail.

It was there that he saw hauntingly familiar ice blue eyes, and this stupid little punk was saying things that sounded familiar, causing this nagging sensation like he’d left the oven on. But it wasn’t until this target, Captain America, is bloodied and unconscious that Bucky started to stir. He’d fallen from the helicarrier, and he knew this idiotic spangly man was someone he had to save. So, he jumped from the broken helicarrier into the water after the lifeless body that not even five minutes ago was his target.

He pulled him from the water, heard that he was breathing just fine and took off. He wasn’t sure where he was going but it wasn’t going to be here.

Time still passed by, but now he is in control. He was awake and aware now. It was a new millennium, and he was struggling to be on the run and adapt to this sudden shell shock. He knew that the asset had been awake off and on through the years, and that helped. It was better to keep to himself and not draw attention though. Which is exactly what he does, rebuilding himself and trying to get all of his brain back.

It seemed to be going well.  Or maybe it was technically classified as okay. Every little noise made him jump.  He always stiffened when he heard sirens.  Worst of all was the nightmares.  He coped though.  Moving through the world, making his best.  That is until his world, or whatever fractured semblance of a world he was living, fell apart. He was in the paper, blamed for bombing an embassy building he was nowhere near.  It had resulted in the death of a foreign power’s King.

He knew he had to run, but he had to get his bag from his apartment first. He was a floor below his when he knew he was screwed.

His hearing is good and he picked up the sounds of the cars pulling in from a few blocks back.  It covered up the quiet breathing coming from his own apartment.  Somehow it was still no surprise that the perfectly proportional blond man that was once his target was now standing there waiting for him. His body seized up and his heart pounded against his ribs.

There was no time for the small talk that Steve wanted to engage in. Steve Rogers was no longer his friend.  He was Bucky Barnes’ friend.   Not the remaining shell of the man he was now. A deadly assassin that didn’t deserve sympathy. The good thing was that Steve finally clued on to the problem.

“It doesn’t have to end in a fight.” For whatever reason he found that statement coming from Steve to be really ironic.  He choked back a barking laugh.

“It always has to end in a fight.” As soon as the words left his mouth, the apartment exploded. There was no time. He had to run. He did the only thing he could think of was to toss this flagman at the swat team swarming up the stairs and pouring into his apartment. It temporarily gave him a window of opportunity, and he was gone.

His temporary flight was brief.  He was caught. Some weirdo in a catsuit with claws that could handle his metal arm was just waiting for him. That was it. The end. He had been arrested.

They took him to what he was sure is a black site for one of the American government agencies that shouldn’t exist on foreign soil, to argue about what to do with him. He heard several different opinions, kill him, send him to some high-security prison. And then there was Steve arguing for a rehabilitation. Like there was anything left to be redeemed.

He wasn’t sure how the punk did it. But he talked them into putting him under house arrest at their compound. If he cooperated then he could get help under a controlled setting.  If he cooperated.

He was told that the plane ride back to wherever he was going to be locked up was over 16 hours. And that was plenty of time to tell them everything. So he did, starting with the trigger words and ending with the other soldiers. He told those of them on the plane about what HYDRA made him do to the Stark family, but Iron Man flies solo. From the looks of this group, he’s not going to want to tell that story again.

His jail cell looked too comfy for a house arrest deal. His room was bigger than his old apartment, and the bed was about four times as thick as the old flea-bitten mattress he had on the floor. Steve made sure he got settled, but it was in that soft, walking on eggshells way.  Like he wasn’t sure if he was going to break into a million pieces at any moment. That was how they all treat him. Like he was just going to fall apart. Like he hadn’t been on his own for two years.

They made him go to therapy, and it took two weeks before they even found one willing to see the notorious Winter Soldier. Two weeks where he self-isolated and went to the gym at odd hours to lower the risk of running into anyone else. Two weeks that he got away with it.

Then, one day, he was sitting in the chair in his room reading some sort of fantasy book he was told he had to to be current. When the door flies open.

“Alright, tall dark and broody. Enough is enough.”  Sam Wilson storms into the room with him.  Sam Wilson who was there when he was picked up.  Sam who had been making these snarky comments since the day he had arrived.  Which he thought for sure he meant he hated him.  Understandably.  Yet for some reason, Bucky had loved every one.  They had made him feel normal for just a split second.

Sam grabbed Bucky’s flesh hand and pulled.  Bucky was taken so off guard that he got up without question. “Movie time, let’s go,” Sam ordered.  Bucky started to protest, but Sam waved a hand in his direction.

“You’re obligated to be there for thirty minutes. And then if the movie sucks you can leave. That’s it, no arguments.” Sam told him, and Bucky was mildly impressed. But he knew that this wouldn’t last forever. Soon he’d get the looks and the pity, and the kid gloves just the same as everyone else treated him.

Sam led Bucky to a room with a large circular couch in front of a cinema screen. Bucky had taken an end seat, with Sam sitting himself down right next to Bucky. The rest of the crew were all already in the room, arranged about with popcorn and candy. Including a couple that he’d never seen before.

He could feel the looks and stares even though they’re meant to be hidden. He was being evaluated. Judged for being here, for letting them use him as a weapon. For all the deaths he caused. He was brought abruptly back to the room by Sam shifting next to him, leaning into his personal space.

“That’s the Maximoff twins. Wanda and Pietro picked them up in Sokovia after defeating Ultron.” Sam said, at a volume that would only be audible to him and Steve. He’s not sure why he was getting an education on this, but he appreciated the names at least.

He tried to tune out the chatter, the weight of stolen glances and bitten tongues. When he was brought back to the room once again by the weight of a bowl being pressed into his arm. He turned to look at Sam.

“Hey man, can’t enjoy the movie if you don’t have snacks,” Sam said, pushing the bowl into his arm again. Bucky wanted to toss the bowl across the room, but instead, he took a handful of popcorn and tried to relax.

They’d picked some movie with three female leads, and one character that Natasha remarked looks an awful lot like Thor, whoever that was. Bucky hated it, but he couldn’t leave. It was like watching an accident happen, you wanted to look away but you couldn’t.

The ending was worse than Bucky predicted it to be but he was still there. As the credits rolled they were talking about getting food, ordering in or going out. And every once in a while, Steve would look at him with this pained look in his eyes. Like he just remembered he couldn’t leave the compound. Bucky had already put in enough outside time for the day.

“It’s fine. I’m going back to my room.” He said, standing and sweeping from the room before anyone can try and stop him.

He was just about to open his door when the hand shoots out holding the door in place. He had expected it to be Steve. But once again, there is Sam Wilson at his door.

“You stayed for the whole movie, now it’s time for food. Come on.” He said, and Bucky couldn’t stop himself.

“Why do you care?” It was almost a growl that fell from his mouth. It was at that moment he expected to receive the look of pity. What he finds instead is startling, but refreshing.

“Pardon the pun, but Buck up. It was shit, and I get it. I’ve seen shit too. What you do now is what matters. And this nasty, self-isolation game is not going to help.” Sam said, and it was probably the most real talk he’d had since he fell. He nodded slowly, and Sam took him to the kitchen to get food.

Since that night, Bucky found himself trying to find comfort in people. He was trying to see why he should socialize, but he still felt as if the only way he should be looked at was with disgust. Or in that way where he could just feel the heavy gaze of bitter sourness.

With Sam, he started to find something. Someone that didn’t take his shit. That teased him about his hair, which he should probably ask about getting cut. He didn’t realize that he was falling for Sam until after he’s fell. It was a sudden realization, and once he realizes it, he almost feels sick to his stomach.

He went to find Steve. Because surely if he’d find Steve, he’d remember that either he was straight, or he had feelings for Steve.  Steve who had always been there.  Sitting in his heart.  Who had brought him back from the soldier by just existing. How could he feel that way for Steve and then develop this same feeling for a man just out of nowhere?

He heard Steve talking to someone in the kitchen and stopped in his tracks. He was frozen, and all he could do was listen.

“Sharon, please. We can make this work.” Steve sounded upset, and he was begging. Bucky could hear a soft shift of the woman’s body weight and a heavy sigh. Then all he could hear was their kissing, and now he was free. He quickly fled, not sure where he was going until he wound up at Sam’s door. Barging in, unannounced.

“Whoa there, Bucko. You look like a spooked horse.” Sam said that shit eating grin on his stupid, concerned face.

“I went to talk to Steve. Because feelings and Steve was in the kitchen with a woman. And then, and now I’m here. And.” Bucky rambled, his blood boiling and he couldn’t stop as he used his flesh hand to grab Sam by the collar and pull him into a tentative kiss.

As soon as his lips touched Sam’s, he realized his deadly mistake and he pulled away.

“I’m sorry, that was stupid. I shouldn’t have come.” He said, turning and leaving Sam’s room. The other man’s pleas falling on deaf ears.

Bucky went back to self-isolation. It was slightly harder now. Considering he had to avoid not only Steve but Sam as well. He took to a completely unpredictable schedule so no one could hunt him down. It worked for three weeks.

He walked into the gym at 2 am. He found he could be in and out before Steve got up at 4, and if anyone else was still up they wouldn’t dare step a foot onto the gym floor. Immediately, he was alerted to a presence but that didn’t stop him from being slightly startled when Natasha turned the lights on.

“What are you doing, Barnes?” She asked, crossing her arms over her chest and frowning at him.

“I don’t -” Bucky started, but Nat waved her hand and glared at him.

“Don’t even give me that I don’t know bullshit. You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Nat snapped at him, also jabbing him in the chest when she said you.

“I did something stupid, Tasha.” He said, and she nodded.

“That much I have gathered, James,” Nat said, dryly. “How about you skip the explaining part, and assume that I know that you have feelings for both the boys. The obvious choices.” She finished and Bucky could only nod.

“I fell for him, and it felt like I was betraying Steve even though… And I went to talk to him, but there was… He was, he is with Sharon now - happy. So, I went away. And I wound up at Sam’s and after I babbled, I,” Bucky paused to take a centering breath.

“You kissed him and then ran away,” Nat said. “Because you only ran. Never got the full story. You know absolutely nothing about those boys, James.”

“Okay, well even if that’s true. Why should I even deserve them? I’m tainted.” Bucky said and immediately regretted it by the dark glow in Nat’s eyes.

“I’m not going to hit you, but know that that was the stupidest thing you have ever said,” Nat said.

“You don’t think those boys have been through the same self-harm as you put yourself through? Let’s start with Steve, same era. Same sin bullshit. Now, Sam. Sam should have been alright. But he got the same sin bullshit the two of you did. And now, you may or may not remember a time, long ago, when we lived together. But you are soft, and you do, very much, deserve love. So get your head out of your ass, or I will be forced to take matters into my own hands.” Nat said and stalked off without giving him a chance to even say okay.


	4. Chapter 4

Steve Rogers had settled on the fact that he was not meant to be loved.  At least not intimately.  He had friends sure.  Good friends who he would fight to the death for.  It was his lot in life that that was all it was going to be.  Close friends, unrequited love, and failed romance.

He had tried.  He had tried so hard to veer his life done the direction that was expected of him.  He had ignored his feelings for Bucky.  Packed them up tightly and buried them down.  He thought where no one could tell.  Peggy could, but she loved him regardless of the stigma attached to men who loved men.  He loved her too, he really did but after Bucky fell he just couldn’t continue.  He had crashed that plane into the ice, even as Peggy begged him not to.  His first real love story ending in death.

When he came to, he tried to move on.  He tried so hard but the world he had come back to was not his and all he had lost still felt raw and open.  He had no time to mourn or adjust.  He came straight out of one battle to stop evil from getting its hands on the Tesseract and was thrown right into another.

When the dust had settled and the cube was safe again, Steve left the few people he had formed an uneasy alliance with and gone to DC to work for SHIELD.  He had nothing else.  No one to give his trust to, so that was better than nothing.

Then he’d met Sam and everything started to slip back into place.  Sam had understood.  It wasn’t really about the new time and new things.  It was about everything he’d lost.  It was about being made to feel so other that it looked like there was never going to be a place in this world for him.

Sam had made him feel like he might actually have a place in this new world.  That eventually he would fit in and it would be okay.  He looked at Sam and felt hopeful for the first time since he’d opened his eyes in that fake hospital ward.

He really wanted to get to know him better and he thought Sam might be flirting.  Steve was never good at it and he knew that being gay wasn’t as frowned upon as it was back in his time, so for the first time, he responded to it.  He had had so many people willing to throw themselves at him since he woke up and this one little bit of real understanding from this man made him want more.

Then Natasha picked him up and the way Sam had looked at her he’d realized that once again he was reading things into men that weren’t there.  Sam needed to go into the unrequited section of his heart and he needed to treat him as a friend or he’d risk losing that too.  So the next suggestion Natasha made as a potential person to date, he moved on it.

Sharon was amazing.  She was strong and sweet and maybe a little too much like her Aunt.  They maybe didn’t share that same spark and he couldn’t tell if that was the slightly uneasy feeling that maybe he shouldn’t be chasing after Peggy’s niece when he’d loved her so deeply or if it had to do with how much time they were apart.

It turned out it was neither.  Despite the fact that Steve was picturing a future of marriage and children, Sharon was picturing Natasha.  They had both been smothering unrequited feelings.

“Sharon, please. We can make this work.”  Steve pleaded, his forehead pressed against hers.  She kissed him, it was slow and tender and he melted into it, trying to hold back the pain he was feeling.  The inevitable destiny he foresaw where everyone got their happiness except for him.

He heard a sound outside the kitchen door and broke the kiss with Sharon, looking over to see who was there.  When he saw nothing he turned back to Sharon.  “I know what it’s like to have people you love not want you.  I don’t blame you for that.  We - we’re good together.”

Sharon smiled sadly.  “I love you, Steve.  I really do.  But I’m not in love with you and it’s not fair on either of us to keep doing this.  I want who I want and you want who you want.  Maybe we should go after the people who make us happy.”

Steve shook his head and opened his mouth only to close it again.

“Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours,”  Sharon said, turning his cheek so his blue eyes met hers.

“I keep falling in love with people who aren’t for me,”  Steve said, his eyes darting around the room.

“Which one is it?  Barnes or Wilson?”  She asked.

He finally looked her in the eye.  He thought he’d had it hidden, but once again, a Carter could read him like a book.  “Both.”   He answered.  He leaned against the counter and ran his hands through his hair.  “I love Bucky so much.  I always have.  He was always into girls though and it was easier to put it aside and move on.  I loved Peggy.  I don’t think for one second that we wouldn’t have been happy if we married.  People can love more than one person in their lives, right?”   He lifted his head to look at Sharon.  “And he died and then so did I, and it took me a long time to move on but then I met Sam and I actually felt at home again, only he looked at Natasha in a completely different way than he looked at me. I keep falling for people I can’t have.  I’ve done it again with you.  I keep telling myself that guy died in the ice.  I think it’s time to accept that’s true.”

Sharon moved closer to Steve and stroked his jaw.  “Maybe instead of just giving up, you should actually be honest with people.”

Steve shook his head.  “How can I put that on, Buck.  He’s just learning who he is again.  It’s not fair on him.  And besides, don’t you think if it was gonna happen, it would have happened back when we weren’t shells of who we once were.”

Sharon sighed and patted his cheek.  “You really are bad with this stuff aren’t you.  They’re your friends.  Talk to them.”

He didn’t.  He didn’t want to ruin his friendship with Sam and he didn’t want to add to Bucky’s already giant burden.  So he pushed himself back into work.  There was illegal alien tech getting into the hands of dangerous people and that was enough to distract him from any thoughts of love and a future as someone other than Captain America.  He started avoiding Bucky and Sam.  Sharon too for that matter.  It was just painful now and he needed to put some space between himself and them.

“Captain Rogers, Agent Romanoff has requested your presence in your chambers.”

The voice of FRIDAY came through the PA in Steve’s office and he looked up from his paperwork confused  “Natasha is in my…?”

“Your quarters, yes sir.”  FRIDAY finished.  “She says it’s important.”

Steve got up and shook his head slowly before striding down the hall to find out what was going on.  When he reached his apartment he let himself in.  Natasha and Sharon were curled up in his recliner.  Bucky and Sam sat on his couch as far apart as they could.  Steve froze and blinked at them.  “What’s going on?”

“Let’s call it an idiot intervention,”  Natasha said and pointed at the couch.  “Take a seat, idiot.”

Steve furrowed his brow and sat down in between Bucky and Sam.

“I was going through Aunt Peggy’s stuff,”  Sharon said tapping a worn leather-bound journal in her lap.  “I found this.  Made for some pretty interesting reading.  Can I read you some?”

Steve eyed her suspiciously and nodded his head, not sure where Sharon was going with this and worried it was no place good.

“I worry about Steve.”  She read.  “I have never met someone who loves so completely and yet is so afraid to do anything about it.  I thought it was just that he is bad with women. Well, that certainly is part of it.  The larger issue is he seems so certain that he will be rejected that he’s stopped putting himself out there.

“I know that he is in love with his friend, Sergeant Barnes.”  Both Bucky and Sam’s head snapped around as Sharon read that line.  She didn’t pause to let them speak but now as she read Steve felt his cheeks start to burn as two sets of eyes bore holes into him.

“I feel like I am supposed to be mad about it.  That I’m being used to hide something shameful.  I’m not.  I know he loves me too.  I just want him to be happy and if there was some way that he could have us both I would let him.  For that man, I want nothing more than his happiness.  For him to live a life where he gets back at least half as much as he gives of himself.”  Sharon looked up from the journal.  “There’s more.  Shall I continue?”

Steve dropped his eyes and shook his head, feeling more ashamed now than he ever had.  He shook his head.

“You’re in love with me?”  Bucky said, his voice barely above a whisper.  Steve simply nodded not able to look his friend in the eye and face the scorn he was sure would be written on it.  “The whole time?” Steve nodded again.  It felt like an eternity before Bucky spoke again.  “You mean we could have been together this whole time?”

Steve’s neck snapped up and he looked at Bucky.  “You feel the same way?”

“Of course he feels the same way.  Like I said this is an idiot intervention.”  Natasha scoffed.

Steve and Bucky looked at each other.  It was like he was looking at Bucky with a whole different set of eyes.  All the things he’d missed out on.  All the potential he’d missed out on.  He reached for him and paused.  Bucky had been through so much.  He didn’t want to push him so quickly.  Bucky didn’t have the same concerns, he lunged at Steve, wrapping his arms around Steve’s neck and pulling him into a hard kiss.

It took a moment for Steve to process what was happening before everything else faded away and he returned the kiss.  He had imagined this so many times and now it was happening it felt like the whole 89 years of build up and repressed emotions were being poured into it.

Sam shifted awkwardly beside them and cleared his throat.  “So what?  I’m just here to bear witness?”

Steve and Bucky broke apart.  Steve suddenly felt guilty.  Like he was cheating even though he wasn’t in a relationship with anyone.  Just the fact his feelings for Sam were mixed in with his feeling for Bucky and just as strong, it felt like he was doing something wrong.

“No, idiot.  It’s a three idiot intervention.”  Natasha snarked.

Sharon kissed Natasha’s temple.  “What the angry little assassin is trying to say, we’re here to clunk all your heads together.  No one is being honest about their feelings and it’s about time you were.”

“Your feelings?”  Steve asked, blinking at Sam.

Bucky furrowed his brow and shifted in his seat.  The air felt heavy and Sam took a deep breath in and let it out slowly.  “I’ve been into you since that day you keep lapping me.  I thought… you and Nat.  And then you and Sharon.  I don’t know.”  He shook his head.

Steve smiled and put his hand on Sam’s leg.  “We were both idiots.”

“Yeah, well,”   Sam said and took a deep breath in again, looking over at Natasha.

“Go on.  None of you are leaving until it’s all on the table.”   She said.

“Bucky kissed me,”  Sam spat out.  “But, I wanted it.”  He added quickly seeing the look of horror on Bucky’s face.  “Look, you guys obviously want each other.  I’m not going to get in your way.”

“No,”  Bucky said quietly.  Steve looked back at him and his fingers tightened on Sam’s leg as he felt a similar tightness in his chest.  He wasn’t even sure what that feeling was.  Fear?  Jealousy maybe?  For a brief moment, he had been given the love of the men he had pined for only to lose it again because he was the master at moving too slow and they’d realized they wanted each other.

“Were you not listening to the letter from Aunt Peg?”  Sharon asked.  “She said if you could have both she’d give it.  You can’t have her Steve.  But the three of you were meant for each other.  Take it now.  What’s stopping you?”

Steve looked at Sam and Bucky and then at Sharon.  Bucky looked as confused as Steve felt whereas Sam had just started grinning.  “How?  How would that work?”  Steve asked.

Sharon shrugged.  “Polyamory.  It’s a thing.  Look it up.  But it’ll work however you want it to.  You just have to stop caring what everyone else thinks.”

Bucky looked over to Sam and a smile crept over his face.  It wasn’t the first genuine smile Steve had seen since he’d gotten Bucky back, but it was the first one that looked like Bucky really had something to live for.

It took a lot more talking.  Natasha and Sharon left them to it after a while.  There was a lot of talking.  Weighing up pros and cons.  Arguing.  Hugging.  Kissing.  Everything came up and was laid bare before them.  In the end, they thought trying for happiness was better than settling for misery.

They didn’t date exactly.  They just made time to explore it.  There was the occasional going to a bar for drinks, but meals were at home, cooked together and eaten sitting around on the couches, casually touching.

They took their time.  Despite it having taken so long to get here, the three men had all lost so much and had a lot of healing to do.  It went from spending time as friends, to incidental touching.  From incidental touching to deliberate playful pats and intimate caresses.  From caresses to cuddling in a pile.  From cuddling to kisses.  Until one day the three of them were pressed against the door to Steve’s room, lips numb from kissing, cocks straining against their pants and Steve’s hand poised on the doorknob.

“Are we doing this?  Is this happening?”  Sam asked, breathless as Bucky kissed his throat.  Sam’s hand clung to Steve’s belt like he was afraid if he let go he’d fall.

“I want it.”  Bucky murmured, his lips never leaving Sam’s skin.

Steve opened the door and the three of them fell through.  There was a frantic shedding of clothes.  T-shirts were torn and underwear flung across the room.  They kissed and touched and clawed at each other, desperate for more.

Steve dropped to his knees tugging Sam’s pants down.  His cock sprung free and Steve took hold of it in his hand and wrapped his lips around the shaft.

Sam stroked Steve’s jaw.  “Slow down, honey.  We got plenty of time.”  He soothed.   His awareness of the fact he was the only one in the room with any experience with this.  Steve never having been with anyone, and Bucky only with women way back before HYDRA.

Steve hummed and pulled back, he ran his tongue up Sam’s shaft and swirled it over the head.  Sam hummed and ran his fingers through Steve’s hair.  Bucky knelt behind Steve and began kissing his neck.  He reached around Steve’s waist and began stroking his cock.  Steve moaned and pulled Sam’s cock into his mouth again.  He bobbed his head up and down as Sam looked down at him.  Stroking his hand over Steve’s hair and moving them into Bucky’s.

Bucky hummed at the gentle caress on his scalp.  He rolled his hand over the head of Steve’s cock, slicking his palm with precome and using it as lubricant as he slid it up and down Steve’s length.

Sam groaned and his head fell back.  His fingers tightened in Bucky’s hair.  The reaction sent a shiver through Steve and he hummed again, his own cock leaked over Bucky’s knuckles.  He brought his hands up and teased his fingers down Sam’s perineum and over his asshole.  He took him deeper into his mouth and sucked hard as he pulled back.  The salty tang of Sam’s precome coating his tongue.

Bucky began rutting against Steve, his cock smearing over Steve’s ass and lower back.

“Fuck, Steve,”  Sam gasped, his hips snapping forward.  “Need to back off.  Not gonna last.”

Steve pulled off, making a graphic slurping noise and Sam helped both he and Bucky to their feet.  “We’re gonna go slow okay?”  He said guiding them to the bed.

Bucky nodded leaning over and capturing Sam’s lips as he followed him up on the mattress.   Steve grabbed the lube from his bedside table.  Sam and Bucky lay facing side by side and tangled their legs together.  They kissed as Steve positioned himself behind Sam.  He watched them for a moment.  Bucky’s muscles twitched under Sam’s hands and he made little mewling sounds against his hips.  Steve reached over and ran his hand over Bucky’s hip and then up the length of his cock.  He whimpered and his hips jerked forward.

Steve squeezed lube onto his palm and took both Sam and Bucky’s cock in his hand and coated them both as he slowly jerked them off.  They both moaned and when Sam’s hand came down and took over Steve lay behind him and started teasing his asshole with his finger.

“Oh fuck, Steve.  Just like that.”  Sam groaned as Steve eased his index finger into Sam’s ass.  Bucky leaned over capturing Steve’s lips.  They kissed as Steve fucked Sam with his finger and slowly added another.  Sam groaned and his hand moved faster on their cock’s.  Bucky pulled back.

“Shit,”  He gasped.  “Slow down. It’s - I can’t…”

Sam eased up his movement and kissed Bucky’s neck.  “Sorry, I know. It’s okay.”  He said.  Bucky was still getting used to this kind of touch again.  Sam didn’t expect him to last long.  The man’s cock was already leaking over his hand and twitched against him.

Steve spread his fingers and twisted so he was pressing on Sam’s prostate.  Sam let out a guttural moan.  “Oh fuck.  Steve.  You wanna fuck me?”  He half moaned, half pleaded.

Steve pulled his fingers free and began slicking his cock.  “You sure you can take it?”  The question was sincere, but the words and gravel to his voice sent a shiver up Sam’s spine.

“Yes, fuck.  Please.”  He begged, wriggling his ass against the super soldier.

Steve slicked his cock and slowly sunk it into Sam’s ass.  He closed his eyes, paying attention to the way Sam tensed and relaxed.  The sounds he made.  He backed off when he thought he needed him too and pushed forward when Sam begged him.  Until he was thrusting slow and deep, stretching and filling Sam, making him moan needly.

“Fuck, so big.  How are you this good?”  Sam babbled.

Bucky’s fingers met Sam’s and they started stroking each other in tandem.  The room filled with the sounds of their moans, whimpers and the pleaded words.  More.  Harder.  Oh fuck.  I can’t.  I’m gonna.

Steve’s hand roamed over both of them and settled on Bucky’s ass and he teased his asshole.  Bucky’s hips jerked suddenly and he made a strangled gasp before releasing in hot ropes over his and Sam’s stomach.  The pulse of his cock and the slick of his hot come were too much for Sam who was only holding on by a thread.  He groaned and his head fell back as he emptied in waves with Bucky.

Steve kept fucking into Sam, picking up his pace a little more.  As Sam came he ass tensed around Steve’s cock, milking him as he rutted into him.  As Sam began to relax again Steve groaned, bit into Sam’s shoulder and came.

The men all collapsed down curled up together, panting as they caught their breath.  “I love you guys, you know?”  Steve said tucking a lock of Bucky’s hair behind his ear.

“Yeah, yeah.  No need to get sappy now.”  Bucky said.

“I hate agreeing with him, but dude, not just after sex.”  Sam teased.  He rolled over and faced Steve running his fingers down his face.  “We’re here now.  We’ve got nothing but time.”


End file.
